Essentially, this is the beginning of my road to recovery. Firstly, thanks to those who have created this community. BDD is so isolating.
I have had BDD for a decade, it intrudes on and inhibits all aspects of my life, its hold only gets stronger. ‘Happiness’ for me is staying in my house, alone. There’s no point in living a life like this and things can only go one of two ways. Sorry for the intense/deep nature of my story, but as you’d know, that’s the power of BDD.
I don’t feel able to confide in anybody in my life regarding my physical issue, because: a) I don’t trust a single person to keep it a secret; b)I don’t believe people’s reassuring words over my negative thoughts and; c) I feel as though I will be judged and looked down on.
Once my secret is out, it’s out forever. That thought alone fills me with anxiety.
I saw a psychologist for a while and although I work full time, I can’t afford to pay the gap between their fees and the medicare rebate.
I have feelings of guilt, shame, regret, embarrassment, and anger, perpetually, all towards myself.
I’m sorry, but I don’t feel able to discuss my issue specifically. The embarrassment is too severe.
I am single and emotionally distant. I don’t want people getting close and ‘finding out’. I feel ‘happier’ single and alone than I do dating.