Chris's story - My struggles with BDD

Im at the crossroads. A point in my life where if i dont seek help or reach out to people about my problem, im going to waste my whole life with nothing to show for it. With no positive or genuinely happy experiences. At the age of 12, in my first year of high school, i was teased and bullied daily for my weight. This slowly caused a preoccupation with my body and appearance over the course of the next 2 decades. I lost my sense of self, my identity and who i was as a person. My hoppies died out, i self isolated, didnt go out, seldom had many friends or sexual partners. This all snowballed into a feeling of complete helplessness and wondering if id ever get to experience life in any other way. This constant preoccupation of my weight and body caused immense emotional pain where day to day life was almost impossible. The lowest point, was on some days while at work (i work in a call centre), during a call with a customer, id have to put them on hold just so i could go to the bathroom and perform my 'checking' ritual. As anyone with BDD knows, its a mentally exhaustive process. I can seldom concentrate at work, causeing performance issues. Iv not told anyone at work about this, but i have tried to talk about it with my parents which only made matters worse. My dad didnt believe i had a problem and told me to 'just get over it' and my mum (being very religous) told me to pray to god for help. So i was on my own and still am. Unfortunatley this has caused me to develop a serious drug addiction to mask the pain. Im now 35 and know deep down, i need to get help but am scared that my thoughts are so ingrained, that il never be able to change or live a life that i want so desperatley to lead. I want to meet someone and fall in love. I want to find a career im passionate about (instead of the terrible jobs iv done so far in my life), i want to become a father, i want to travel and visit different countries and experience different cultures. I feel like im in quicksand and slowly sinking. But im determined to beat this because im worth it. Im worthy of happiness, worthy of living the best life i can lead. My journey begins now...