Rory's Story - My Struggle

I am Rory and I am 40 years old.

I have had OCD for most of my life and only really became aware of it through noticing new obsessions which I later realized was Bdd.

It started with me hitting a lonely rock bottom point in my life at 30 something and I started to pay attention to the way I looked for the first time, lacking self love I dreamed up the hope I could clean up my health and physical appearance to try to find a life partner. As I presumed that I would end up lonely otherwise. I started to look in the mirror to see how I was traveling for a 30 year old and I noticed tiny bumps on my forehead.
After much anxiety and googling and wasted money on acne treatments I started to pay attention to my skin as a whole and poking at whatever blemishes I could find. I realize now that those bumps were nothing and miniscule but sadly it led to me to start to notice that I had tiny spider veins on my nose and I've been consumed ever since.
I check myself and others secretly and often and it embarrasses me to say.
I work daily on my OCD and BDD but have a really hard time when I get in a mirror checking routine. I am full of anxiety and really hoping I can help others and be helped in a group meeting scenario.
I want to heal myself and others and love myself again so that I can get back to a more normal life and set a good example for my family.